Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes.  I've never been particularly good at them.  Then again, I don't really know if anyone actually possesses that talent. I only know I always end up standing there, with no tears when tears would certainly be appropriate, feeling like my heart is splintering.  Yet they are a part of life.  Change, beginnings, and endings are often inevitable.  But when people start to become a main focus in your life, you often find that goodbye becomes hard to deal with.

Of course, there are many different types of goodbye.  There are the temporary goodbyes, the long-term goodbyes, the necessary goodbyes, and the unnecessary goodbyes.  There are those in which two people become separated by physical distance, and those in which somebody simply chooses to walk out of your life.  While some of these are certainly more frustrating than others, they all share a common thread: somebody who used to be a frequent visitor in your life now turns up less often.  In a way, goodbye can be a good thing.  It can show you who's willing to stick it out to remain a part of your life--and who's not.  Sometimes this isn't the most pleasant realization.  We all spend a finite period on this planet, and time is often a more valuable currency than dollars and change.  After all, you can earn back money, but you can't ever turn back the clock.  Spending time on someone who doesn't really think you matter is the biggest waste of all.

As I say "goodbye" to 2012, sometimes I'm not sure if I've learned anything at all.  Sometimes I think that all I can take away from it is that life is weird and unpredictable.  But then I remember that trying to make sense out of such a chaotic world can be nearly impossible.  There are a couple of things I do know.  I know that this year has changed me in some ways, but it has also shown me more of who I am.  I have a direction I want to go with my life, and though I'm far from perfect I'm okay with the person I'm becoming.

And the goodbyes I've had to say? I am stubborn and blindly loyal, and some part of me never truly believes in goodbye.  Some might call it stupid or naive, but there's not much that could ever shake my belief in love, loyalty, and friendship.  The Beatles put it this way: "You say goodbye, and I say hello." For better or for worse, I will always be the girl that says "hello."