On impatience

Anybody who knows me well enough knows that I am not a very patient person.  Most triathletes aren't.  It seems to be a particularly strong part of my personality, though, and a trait that I don't always have the most success dealing with.  It's probably because patience is heavily associated with logic...and let's face it, for me there are many times when training, racing, or just living my life that logic tends to go out the window.  At least in my experience, knowing what you should do or being aware of a particular fact almost never manages to suppress your true yearnings.

It always starts subtly, perhaps after one too many fatigued-filled workout, or right when things seem to be coming together for everyone...except you.  It always starts with that one twinge of longing, that one rogue thought in the mist of sunnier musings. "This is great and all, but...when's it gonna be my turn?" you think. It's perhaps one of the most selfish thoughts a person and athlete can have, but we've all contemplated it at some point.  Knowing that you can't possibly have it all doesn't stop you from wanting to.  After all, if we were always satisfied with ourselves, we wouldn't be training, racing, and competing.  The thing is that this can lead to a constant sense of expectation, and the feeling that we're always searching for something.  Therein lies our--or at least my--central conflict: is it possible to keep that fire and motivation alive while still managing to be somewhat content?  Is that the best we can be...somewhat content?  The fact that there are always new goals to be reached is what keeps us excited for the future. It's healthy.  But there's a very fine line between healthy goals and continual dissatisfaction and resentment.

It's only natural to want to stop walking in the shadows and have your own moment in the sun. It's normal to want things to make sense, add up, and come together. It's human to want a little luck on your side.  Anybody who argues otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.  I won't lie: I want my moment.  I've had a lot of frustrations recently, and I'm itching for something to go right rather than wrong.  Logic may go out the window much of the time, but in the end it is what saves me. Waiting sucks.  It's tough to constantly put in effort and see agonizingly slow returns.  But the thing is, when the tide finally turns...you come to realize that the best things in life truly are worth waiting for.